Thank you for following my journey with Endo, PCOS and everything else, its been a tough time for me where I have really been struggling, for those who have just joined me on my journey, let me give you a little update with what has been happening, for a couple of months my pain has been really high with it sitting around an 7/8, then next thing I know my pain went to a high 9, so I took time off work to give my body a rest and my manager signed me off to make sure I was given the time to come back to work without being in high amount of pain and drowsy and muddled from medication. I also had an appointment booked with a specialist to see if she would take me on and help me. So this is what has been happening now let me tell you the struggles that I am now facing and going through.
So I have currently been off work for 3 weeks and I’m still no better this flare up seems to be very determined not to move, and I have done everything I can do to try and bring it down and even have new medication to help block the nerves, but I can still feel it there and I am honestly so fed up, tired, stressed out, emotional and angry, I know I shouldn’t be because I can’t control this but I feel useless and feel like it is preventing me from doing the most of simple of tasks, I can’t even go for a walk without getting out of breath, I’m relying on my partner alot for help and I can finally admit it that I do need help, and I know everything that everyone is doing for me is because they want me better and they care about me.
Then on top of my excuritating flare up, I now have come on and have period cramps as well which is making it 10X worse, the problem with me being on my period as well means I have painful cramps as well, but I’m also become alot paler, feel sick and faint/light headed as well as drowsy. My body is most certainly trying to destroy me physically and mentally and I am still pushing through, yes I’m having a rough time and there are days where I don’t even know who I really am or my own head is attacking me, but I am still trying to smile and try and do stuff, because I don’t want to loose ME to this condtion.
My specialist appointment was last Tuesday (24/09/19) and I had no idea what I was walking into or what would happen, but we feel it went really well, my specilaist is taking me on and wants to help me, we spoke about what I had been through and what symptoms I have, she also had a feel of my abdoman and also did a little intermal examination, which as I said to her I was use to and I will remember her words forever, “Your 27 and not had a baby you shouldn’t be use to this at all” which she right I shouldn’t be use to any of this. I did have one bit of inforamtion which has messed me up a bit, she told me that I could have children, yes it’s harder but no one should of told me that I can’t have them, so i’m having to figure out if I would want children in the future or not, as this will help let her know what treatments she can offer, but after being told I can’t for all these years, I’m just can’t figure out how I feel with that information. The next step is a pelvic scan which I have on 01/10/19, then in the afternoon on the same day I have a follow up appointment with my specialist to start figuring out what are the next steps to help me, which yes I am scared but I also want the help as I can’t deal with being in this high level of pain everyday. (will let you know how it goes and what is next for me)
There not alot I can do but rest and relaxed and carry on with doing everything I have been doing and hopefully this flare up will start to come down, but til my pain has come down to at least a 5, I will still be going to doctors and hospitals for help for pain relief and also contiune to be signed off work, as I can finally say that when I’m like this I can’t focus and thanks to my medication I’m usally a little out of it and I just can’t be like that anymore, I have relised that my health is very important and I can no longer try and use work as a distraction, as I am just making myself worse. I need to get this condtion under control so until then I am going to listen to everyone. I’m not saying it’s easy for me because it’s not I feel like I’m letting everyone down and becoming a burden, plus I don’t do well with taking it easy and I will be honest I have been a complete mess and it is effecting me mentally, I just trying not to let it consume me fully. I am just like I said earlier super fed up, angry, frustrated and emotioanlly on all levels.