So since the 7th September, I woke up to throwing up and in agonizing pain and since then my health has been deteriorating further. I have had countless doctors appointments,ambulances and hospital appointments,where I have had numerous amounts of tests and examinations done and still no further with answers to why I am in so much pain.
So I have had constant pain in my left side of my abdomen, and now has spread to the pain feeling like it is in my bones and I ache and pain all over, I am confined to the sofa with a hot water bottle and pain killers which don’t take the pain away but make me very drowsy, I am unable to move some days because the pain is that intense. It feels like someone is constantly stabbing me with a red hot poker. I hardly have a appetite and when I do have one I’m scared it won’t stay down, as I went 6 days where no food stay down. On good days where I try to ignore the pain and get on with it I can hardly walk anywhere without getting out of breath, I am also unable to walk my normal speed and walk like I’m in my 80s, I have to hold on to object to help keep me upright to help me walk, I also get dizzy spells so have to hold on to objects again to prevent me from falling over. I am forever drained and tired and just don’t have any energy or strength in me.
I have had many different diagnoses from menstrual cramps to urine affections, which as I know my body I knew it was none of these due to the fact I am still in this pain, there must be an underlying problems somewhere but no one is doing anything, and as quoted by one of the many doctors I have seen “I’m a mystery” I don’t want to be a mystery I want to feel better and not in pain.
I have lost my job due to not being able to stand all day without being in pain or state d without help, as well due to the amount of time I have had off for being ill and personal reasons and I was still in my probation. I feel like I am a let down to everyone as I am unable to do anything and they have to do everything for me or help me with tasks that were easy for me before I got ill, I am very grateful for it but I am also fed up now of feeling like this and wish someone would just listen to me when I say I know something not right and run further tests to find out what is going on with my body and help me get better.
With me being ill I have also lost a tonne of weight and had a major breakput, which is also due to the amount of stress I have been under for these past few months, which could also be one of the reasons for my health issues. I lost my beloved uncle In July after his battle with cancer, and I still haven’t been able to mourn him properly, due to a few reasons of; I have been the rock for my family so have kept strong for them, as well every time I start to mourn my uncle I stop myself, but I also had personal things going on which I had to concentrate on, with everything I have had and currently going on I have had a breakdown due to locking up all my emotions and feelings for years they all finally exploded sending my head into haywire, where even my own instincts are telling me to do something which isn’t right but because I am so messed up right now I think it’s the right thing.
So currently I am focusing on my health and getting better and spending time with my family, who are helping me get back on the straight and narrow and helping me with my recovery, which we all know won’t be overnight but I have all the support there for me to get there. I am also focusing on my blog and instagram to help distract me from the pain and give me another positive thing to help me.
Thanks for all the support